Do you remember the days before you heard the little pitter patter across the floor? Before the jarring thump of a small body hitting the bedroom door because the tiny person on the other side wasn’t expecting to find it locked? This is always followed by a “ssshhh”, as your limbs lock up in a frozen contortion of terror. You are waiting for the words almost every mother inevitably hears at least once during her reign as the household Madonna. “Mommy….why is the door locked?”
This book is for all you moms out there who still want to be sexy, and damn it feel sexy, and have lately found that marriage and motherhood have put a crimp in your once sexy style. This is also for you ladies who never had the sex life you dreamed you would and now fear that after marriage and motherhood, the opportunity to be wild and adventurous in the bedroom has passed you by. If you are one of the lucky ones who has managed to have it all, well, keep reading… you may find some new tips to help you out with your groove moves.
One of the biggest misconceptions about motherhood is that you have to choose between being a mom and being a sexy lover. Being naughty or sexy in the bedroom, bathroom, closet, guest room, kitchen, dining room, outside or where ever you see fit, doesn’t have to translate into short comings as a mother. Although I advise staying out of the kids rooms- that’s just creepy!
Orgasms release endorphins. Endorphins are scientifically proven to increase feelings of well being. A mother who feels good and energized is a good mother indeed. How does the old saying go? “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” I’m from the South, so this book will be full of southern euphemisms. So my point here is this: sex, and especially good sex, will make you a better mom!
So maybe you’ve picked up this book because the title caught your eye or the topic seemed interesting. You may have read the inside front jacket of the cover to get an idea of what this book is about, although I fully expect the cover to come off when you start reading this book because those things never stay in place while you are trying to read. So, no hard feelings there. Usually the next thing you inspect when deciding on a new book is the back inside cover of the jacket which gives a lovely little bio of the author accompanied by a head shot of him or her sitting on a couch in the living room. I’m just hoping we had enough sense to get the lint roller out and get off all the dog hair first before we snapped the picture. Oh, I digress, back to the book. Who the hell is this person and why the hell should I read anything she writes? What I first want to tell you is who I am not. Then we will move on to who I am.
I am not a celebrity who had a baby and then only two weeks later posed on the cover of a magazine. My flat belly was not exposed in a size 2 bikini while I was hanging out by my grotto swimming pool with my new baby who has a perfectly round head in a designer baby bouncer.
I won’t be the one saying that you too can get your body back if you would only starve, drug, and surgically remove those unwanted pounds away. Oh, and don’t forget the tip about hiring the personal trainer who comes to your house 6 days a week with a workout regimen that takes the same amount of time as a full time job. I’m not that girl.
I am not the talk show host who doles out marital and child rearing advice even though I have neither been married before nor have I had any children. I am not the woman who, because I have a celebrity status, feels that I know what is best for every one of my viewers. I mean, who doesn’t want to listen and follow advice from someone you have never met and lives on a completely different stratosphere of wealth than the rest of the world?
I am not the religious counselor who has a direct line to God, The All Powerful, The Almighty, The Creator, Father, holiness, Holy Spirit, Jehovah, Allah, King of Kings, Lord, maker, master, power, spirit, Yahweh, Lord of Lords or the Prince of peace. No higher power is compelling me to share this information with you. I just feel like telling you what’s on my mind. I am not really writing this to solve anyone’s problems or to really make anyone feel better. I won’t mind however if some of the things I say hit home and give you a good laugh. I just have some thoughts to share on getting a little older and keeping it sexy while I do it.
I am not your mother or any other family member with whom you would feel too embarrassed to divulge secret information. Although, if you can get past the weirdness of talking about sex with your Mom, I guarantee she probably has some tips that would blow your mind. Of course, if your Mom is anything like mine, I have to make her stop giving me tips. That woman knows no boundaries! I’m almost 40 years old and she still makes me blush and do the hands over the ears while I sing “La, La, La, La,La” to cover up the latest bit of information she is giving me to use in the bedroom.
I Love you, Mama!
Now, let’s move on to who I am. I’m that friend who sits across the table from you on your once-a-month, girls night out. I am the one who says, “Yeah, one more drink won’t kill us!” After we’ve all gotten comfortable and feeling a little giggly and tipsy, we start talking about what most women talk about. Well, what most women talk about after we’ve discussed our spouses, kids, jobs, and swapped a few quick dinner recipes. Those are the sober discussions we have while the chips and salsa are on the table and we are waiting for the margaritas to show up! Let’s face it, ladies, we talk more locker room smack than most men would ever dream of! Who else can you talk to about what’s going right or wrong in the bedroom than your best girlfriends? Even if you’ve just met someone, after a few margaritas you suddenly feel very connected.
My name is Angel. Yes, that is my real name. My mama shortened it for Angela because she didn’t want to call me Angie. No, it’s not my stripper name: “Now appearing on the center stage — Angel!” Nor am I a Mexican man, as my husband sometimes introduces me. “This is my wife, Angel. Yes I’m married to a Mexican man!” What I am is a 39-year-old mother of two and the wife of my teenage sweetheart. That’s right! Same man, 20 years and lots of positions!
There are several titles I’ve been given over the years. You know, all the typical things that women write as their bio — daughter, friend, wife, mother, colleague, yeah, yeah, yeah. Outside of all those things, what I’ve always prided myself on was being sexy! Sexy at home, sexy at work, I like being the sexy mommy on the soccer field! What woman doesn’t want to look and feel sexy and have a few stares thrown your way, even if you have a two year old pulling your shirt off your shoulder and your four year old begging for bubble gum while you unload the grocery cart? I guess that warrants a couple of stares, but not the kind you may want.
I’ve found myself recently coming to the realization that I’m getting older! When the hell did that happen? I see birthdates of girls/women who are in the same year that I graduated from high school, and these people are in their 20’s. What the hell? I was always the “kid” or the “young’un,” as they say here in the South. I find myself talking now about how young someone is, or that they are just kids. It totally snuck up on me in a big way! So I am trying to find that balance in life where I’m still keeping it sexy, but I don’t want to look like that woman who thinks she’s sexy, but is dressing like an old lady in skinny jeans with her hair in a side ponytail. Uggggg, you know who I’m talking about! You know the old saying, As soon as you’re born, you start dying? Well, I say to hell with that! I have a retort to that garbage. When I’m dead, I’ll stop living! Just because a woman gets beyond the ripe old age of 25 doesn’t mean she has to give up on being sexy and bringing that fun into the bedroom and beyond. This, my friend, is what this book is all about.
This book is divided into three sections:
First, how to get yourself ready to be sexy. We’ll talk about our bodies and boobies, clothes, maintenance, lingerie, your mental state (everyone knows that moms are a little crazy), toys and locations.
Next we’ll move on to your groove moves. Sex can be loving, serious and heartfelt. It can also be exciting, fun and sometimes a little bit humorous. For those times when it feels less like ballet and more like a climb on the jungle gym.
Lastly, we will discuss how to keep the sexy in your life during the everyday, but keep the everyday out of your sexy! Each day can be a fun adventure of planning, teasing and game playing until the next time you find yourself behind that locked door!